You Without Me
by KHighness
Summary: She felt like she had to go...it was the only way to save him.
1. Chapter 1

_Characters owned by ABC, General Hospital, and its creators/writers._

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Sam waited at the airport lounge, her sleeping son clutched to her side as she watched her babygirl asleep in the carseat next to her, her thoughts running rampant through a troubled mind. To say life has never been easy on her was an understatement, but it had also given her more joy than she'd thought possible. Even with a lifetime spent fighting tooth and nail for every bit of happiness it's ever afforded her, she would never change a single thing, if this same outcome was what she had to look forward to.

Running a wayward hand through her little boys hair as he laid against her, dead to the buzzing world around them, Sam thought to what she was leaving behind. Port Charles was home, the only one her children had ever known, the only one that she ever wanted to know again…but they had to leave home for a little while. She had to put some distance between everything that was familiar and stable for them, to get her solid once again. It's what was best for her whole world…her children and the man who fathered them. The man she almost got killed for simply loving her.

"Mrs. Morgan?"

She looked up to the stewardess who'd appeared in front of them, smiling as she waved towards the gate to her left.

"We're ready to board our first class passengers - would you like some help with the little ones?"

"I've got them, thanks."

"Of course."

Sam shook Danny softly by the shoulder. "Hey, Buddy." He stirred slowly and opened sleep filled eyes as she continued to rouse him mildly. "You have to wake up now, okay?"

Danny looked around them, then rubbed his eye as he asked, "Is it time, Mommy?"

"It's time, Bud." Rising to her feet, Sam scooted the carseat with a sleeping Scout in it, then took her babyboy's hand and headed towards the gate and to the plane that would take them halfway around the world. She got her children buckled in the seats next to her, where Danny promptly went back to sleep and Scout barely stirred, before her mind started going over the conversation she'd had earlier with her mother. More of an argument than a conversation really.

"Sam, you can't just pack up Danny and Scout and take them away from their lives just like that. You're being irrational - maybe you shouldn't have checked out of the hospital yet. I knew they discharged you too soon!"

She'd called Alexis from the airport, purposely giving her too short notice for her to do anything to thwart her plans, asking her to deliver a message to Jason.

"Mom, I'm fine. This is not about my illness. I just need to give Jason some space so he can heal and get some perspective, without having to worry about me and taking care of me right now. I've been a full-time job for him lately and he needs a break from me. My children need some time to just be carefree and happy, away from all the chaos their lives have been. My God, Mom, my daughter was almost killed before she was even born, and my son almost lost his mother, not long after living for years without his father! Then Jason got _shot_ , because I've become this needy, neurotic mess who's gone from being his reliable backup, to needing his constant attention. We all need this, Mom. I _have_ to go!"

"Sam, you're not thinking clearly. What happened to you could've happened to anyone, and you need to give yourself a break for not being so strong _all_ the time. After everything you've been through, who can blame you for having a slip? You're only human."

"That's exactly why I have to do this. We all need a break."

"What will I tell Jason and your sisters? You don't think they'll notice that you packed up the kids and took off?"

"That's why I'm calling you. You will be able to make them understand that I need to do this. I left Jason a note at the penthouse - the doctors said he's healing well and they'll release him in the morning. I just couldn't tell him face to face, because he would try to talk me out of it. Kristina and Molly have their own lives now and they will understand. This is not forever, Mom…it's just for a little while. I need to give my husband breathing room so he can be himself again, without me underfoot. I would never keep his children from him forever - I just need to get away for a little while. Please say you understand? Please say you'll explain it to Jason."

"How can I explain it to him when I don't understand it myself, Sam? I hear all that you're saying but you're not thinking this through. How can you going to God knows where, solve anything? Where are you going, anyway?"

"I'd rather not say."

"Sam!"

"Mom, if I tell you that right now I'll just wake up to find Jason or one of Sonny's goons on my doorstep tomorrow, which will defeat the purpose of all this. I'll call you when we land and I'll check in every day - would that make you feel better?"

"No!"

"Well, it will have to do. I can take care of my kids, Mom. I'm not ill anymore!"

"You just got out of the hospital - don't tell me you're not ill. You never give yourself enough time to heal, and now you're taking off for parts unknown all by yourself, wth two young kids in tow - how am I supposed to not worry?"

"Easy. Keep on the Julian track you've been on for months now and don't worry about me and my kids. I'll call you when we land. Bye, Mom!"

She knew she was wrong for snapping. She knew she was probably even wrong for leaving, but it was necessary. She'd known since the day Jason finally awoke from the coma he'd slipped into after the shooting, that she needed to leave. He almost died again, because of her. Took a bullet once again, because he was saving her. His life had seen complication after complication, thanks to her, and it was high time she gave him the chance to find one without her mucking it up.

Hawaii was as beautiful as she remembered it! Her last trip there had been one of a lifetime, filled with memories she'd treasure for all of hers. The fact that the asshole who followed them there had tried to taint and mar it for them was never far from her mind, especially when he insisted on being in her face every chance he got…but he hadn't succeeded. The joy and love that filled those two gloriously magnificent weeks for them was far greater than his night of terror and ensuing chaos could ever blot. That's the Hawaii she'd introduce to their children.

She'd rented a small beachfront villa on Oahu. Waikiki Beach was beautiful, and Danny was in love the minute they arrived, dragging her and Scout to the water's edge so he could run along the shores and kick at the waves. Sam sat on the sand with Scout in her arms, watching her son run out with the tide then race to beat it back to the beach, laughing everytime he lost and it splashed him from head to toe. He wasn't scared of the water, far from it - he was a virtual fish - but he loved running and he loved the game.

She thought about Jason and she knew by now Alexis would've relayed her message. Sam knew that he would be hurt and maybe even angry at her cowardly run, but everytime she tried to think of anything else, all she saw was his body on the floor of that warehouse, shot, struggling to breathe, his eyes closed to the pain as he fought for life. She'd put him there. For weeks - months even, after Scout was born, she'd felt out of sorts but hadn't been able to share her feelings with anyone, not even the man who she kept nothing from and gave everything to. What she'd first thought was fatigue from lack of sleep soon became something more, something she hadn't recognized until it was almost too late.

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Alexis knocked on the door then pushed it open to enter the hospital room, pausing when she saw her son-in-law packing a duffle by the dresser.

"Hi there!"

"Alexis! If you're looking for Sam, she's not here yet."

She saw his slight grimace moving around had brought on, and she took a deep breath, knowing she was going to share news he would not welcome.

"Sam's not coming."

"She sent you to pick me up?"

"No." She hesitated, then decided to rip the bandaid off. "Jason, Sam's gone. She took Danny and Scout and left town."

"What are you talking about? What do you mean, _left town_?"

Alexis held out her hand gingerly. "She told me she left this for you at the Penthouse, so I picked it up on my way over…it will offer more of an explanation than I can, I'm sure."

Jason didn't understand. He hadn't heard from, nor seen Sam since the day before, which was uncharacteristically odd for her, but they have kids now…he thought that was the reason she hadn't spent every waking moment by his side as she'd been known to do everytime he was in the hospital, ever since they fell in love. She hadn't answered when he'd called to tell her goodnight, nor when he'd called this morning to tell her he'd been released, but he told himself she was busy with the kids and would call him back at some point. What the hell was this now?

...

 _My dearest love,_

 _You and I are one heart. We have been since the day our paths crossed, and will be, until the day we turn to dust again. But I've taken so much from you, and have turned into someone I don't recognize, which is why you've been stuck taking care of me. I can no longer be a deterrent to you, to your true heart, or to your life. Once again, you almost died because you felt you had to protect me, but now it is my turn to protect you. I love you more than life itself, and I forever will, so I'm giving you the room you will not take for yourself, to take your life back._

 _I've taken the kids on a trip. It's not forever, I would never do that to you - but I need to give you time to do the things that you want to with your life, without the distraction I've become. Please don't look for us. I will keep the loves of our lives safe, I swear it, and soon I will bring them back to you, but for now we both need some space and some time apart._

 _Take care my love, and know that I love you with every breath I take, and that will never change._

 _Yours eternal,_

 _Sam_

 _..._

The bullet hole in his chest hurt less than the crater her words bore through his heart. Where did she go? How could she leave him? How could she believe he'd want anything that wasn't her, their family, their life together?

"Alexis?"

His sounding of her name was asking her to explain, to make sense of what he'd just read, to make it unreal. But a shrug of her shoulders and a dejected sigh was all the answer she had.

He would never accept this. His baby was still not herself. For months, after she'd given birth to their daughter she'd been reeling in silence and he'd had no clue. He'd slept beside her night after night, cared for their children beside her day after day, and still his oblivious eyes had missed that she was spiraling…until it was almost too late. Tried as he might, he continued to fail the love of his life when she needs him most. Now here he was failing her again. She'd just shared her fears, telling him of the imbedded dread of losing him and their life together again, when he turned around and entered a dangerous situation to help his best friend and ended up bringing her worse fears to life, right in front of her. He almost left her again, despite promising her just the night before it happened that everything was going to work out fine. He couldn't leave her alone out there. He had to find her and bring her home, bring his family back where they belonged…together.

Grabbing his phone off the nightstand, Jason immediately sent a text to Spinelli. Then he placed a call to someone who could help also.

"Is your jet free?"

"Yah…but…"

"But?"

"Hey, I'm no doctor but I'm thinking that a bullet hole in the middle of your chest kinda means you're grounded for awhile, no?"

"Sam's gone!"

"What do you mean?"

"She took off. She packed up our kids and left town. I have to find her, Sonny."

"Where did she go?"

"I have no idea - Spinelli's helping me find her, and when I do I need to move fast. Will you help me?"

"Of course…the jet and anything I have is yours for the asking, you know that. I'll let the pilot know to be on standby. Whatever you need."

"Thanks, man!"

"Anytime."

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"Mommy, what's the matter with Scout?"

After the beach they'd settled in and unpacked, shared a light dinner, then took up residence on the screened in back lanai to watch the sun set. Danny was on the floor with his Hawaiian travel book and Sam was sitting on the chaise, trying to soothe her daughter's crying. She was fed and dry but had been fussy for hours, and nothing Sam did would calm her down.

"I don't know, Bud - she's a little cranky, huh?"

"Maybe she doesn't like Hawaii. Can I read to her about some of the great stuff they have here?"

"You know, I think she'd really like that."

Sam laid Scout down in the playpen and rocked it softly from side to side, as Danny drew closer to kneel down next to his sister. She remained fussy at first but when he kept reading about the beaches and natural energy, and made whooshing beach sounds for her, she finally started to settle. He read to her about the shield volcanoes on either side of them, nearby Honolulu, and some favorite attractions, and before long, her soft cries had turned into intermittent whimpers, as she battled the sleep that was taking her over.

"Great job, Buddy," Sam whispered, then gave her son a silent high five. She knew exactly what was wrong with her daughter because she felt the same way. She missed her daddy, just like Sam did, and just like Scout, Sam felt like she was two seconds away from crying herself to sleep too. But she knew she couldn't do that. She wasn't alone anymore. She was entrusted with the care of these two precious, precious babies, and she'd protect them with everything in her. She couldn't help wondering just how angry Jason was at that moment. By now he knew she'd left and he'd most likely gone home and found her letter too. She hoped he'd be able to understand and to take her advise to use the time for himself. He needed it.

Later that night, after the kids had been asleep and she'd given up on getting any herself when her brain had refused to turn itself off, Sam ventured out to the front lanai and laid beneath the starry, moonlit sky, allowing her mind to wonder what he was doing. She thought back to the time he'd spent as Jake Doe - that calm, nonviolent time when he'd spent his days and nights with a simple family, with simple day to day rituals, and had seemed happy and content - and she admitted the most painful truth to herself finally. Maybe that simple life was the one he was really meant for. Maybe that's why, after all he'd been through and fought for, his memory loss had afforded him his true desire…to live a carefree, violence-free existence with the woman who brought him peace. That's never been her. She'd been bringing him pain and struggles since they'd met, and those experiences had brought him close to death's door so many times that she'd lost count. Maybe he would still be happy, contented Jake Doe, stumbling around in the dark, tied steadfastly to the apron strings of a woman who's selfish type of love had seemed enough for him. What would their lives be if they hadn't told him the truth?

Sam shifted uneasily on the chaise as she weighed the heaviness of her thoughts. For one, they wouldn't have their sweet babygirl. They wouldn't have shared the past year where they found the strength of their love had amplified and reached heights they'd only dreamed of before, as much as they'd loved each other back then. The bond that grew stronger between them as they nurtured their shared love for their son, wouldn't have known life, and her days would be spent watching him happy and in love with somebody else. Could she have survived any of it?

She could've gone on without him if his happiness laid with another…she could've gladly given him up if that's what he'd needed…but no way could she envision a world where her babygirl never drew breath. No, Jake Doe was a mistake and it was never him. He always preferred to face the truth and whatever it brought than to live in shrouds of lies and deceit. But there had to be a new median for them now…they would need to find a space to coexist as parents but not as partners. She was dangerous for him. She was a threat to him. She had to let him go.

Just as the tears were threatening to spill, Sam raised herself from the chaise and headed to bed. Sleep would not come but she needed to try…two little tykes would need her to be at her energetic best to keep up and be present. She'd taken a step towards the open front door, one hand reached out and fell on the knob even, when something stopped her dead in her tracks. A familiarity hung in the air, something sensual and electric froze her to the spot, and without turning, without seeing…she knew he was there.

"Don't you know I'd die without you?"


	2. Chapter 2

She couldn't move. The tremor of his voice, rich with emotion and depth…the electric charge from his presence moving closer and closer to her…the fullness from the heart beating through her chest!

" _Sam_."

He was standing so close she could feel live static at her back pulling from his chest, as she struggled to find her voice, unable to move, unable to make herself turn around to find he wasn't there…even more afraid that he really was.

She felt his forehead press to the back of her head, erasing any lingering doubt. He was _right_ there.

" _How could you leave me_?"

The pained whisper caressed her ears, sending a riveting shiver all up and through her. Desperate tears were streaking a trail down her face, racing to disappear into the neck of his t-shirt she wore draping her body like a blanket, and Sam knew she was in so much trouble. The feel of his labored breath fell warm upon her neck, before she turned to face the man she wanted forever. His head lifted at her movements and troubled, hurt, sad blue eyes bore into her as she took in everything about him.

Strong arms shoved uncertain hands into the front pockets of his jeans, as though he distrusted what they would do, even as she read the eyes that said he wanted so much to hold her. The beautiful sight of him thrilled…solid and chiseled, clad in his favorite blue jeans and navy t-shirt, even as the outline of the bandages beneath made Sam cringe at the physical pain she knew he was ignoring.

"Jason…you're in no condition to fly - you should be home in bed!"

He shook his head, his voice still low when he told her, "Not without you!" His eyes questioned, as his voice repeated the query, "Why did you leave?"

Sam looked down past where her arms had fallen to cross her body, to where his t-shirt landed just above her knees, on down to bare toes that balanced the weight from shifting feet as she finally answered, "For you…I told you in my letter."

"Daddy!"

Danny crossed the hall to his parents, the sound of his voice causing them both to turn and look at his sleepy approach.

"Hey, Buddy! What are you doing up?" Jason made his way to pick his son up and hug him in a warm hello, close to his chest.

"I got thirsty."

"You did? Let's get you some water."

Sam walked slowly behind them and watched father and son move towards the kitchen.

"I'm glad you're here, Daddy. We can go swimming."

"That sounds great. Are you watching out for our girls?"

"Mmhm. That's what Morgan men do."

"That's right, Buddy. We have to make sure they're happy and safe - thanks for taking care of them while I was sick. Let's get you back to bed."

Danny nodded then finished his drink and handed the glass back to Jason, who stroked his hair and placed it on the counter.

Sam watched them go, Jason swinging Danny back into this arms where his son laid his head on his shoulder and hugged his neck tightly.

"Are you all better now, Daddy?" She listened as their voices trailed.

"I'm on my way, and you know what will get me completely there?"

"What?"

"You, your mommy and Scout. You're the best medicine in the world."

Sam waited impatiently, pacing the living room with a nervous energy, and dreading the talk she knew they were about to have, but knowing that it was inevitable. She hadn't planned it this way, hadn't envisioned him finding them so soon much less commanding a face off before she was ready…but maybe she'd have better luck convincing him this was the right decision for everybody…face to face. She had to. She had to save him.

She turned at the sound of quiet footsteps leaving Danny's room and watched him pull the door closed.

"He misses you. They both do."

Jason nodded as he came to stop in front of her, tired eyes searching for something in hers. "Do you?"

When he closed the space between them, Sam hurriedly took a seat in the small armchair, drawing her legs up to wrap them beneath his oversized t-shirt that she wore like a shield. Of course she missed him! Every second of every minute he wasn't breathing the same air right next to her was torture to her soul. It was the very reason she'd swiped his tee that still held his scent, knowing she'd crave his essence the minute she left.

"That was a long flight - you were supposed to go straight home your first day out of the hospital. Please sit down. How do you feel?"

He took the opposite chair, staring deep into her, his next words completely ignoring her question. "Tell me."

"I did."

"Tell me the real reason. You have to know that my life makes no sense without you in it, so tell me why you would leave."

His unflinching gaze was making her restless and unnerved, sending her eyes to lock on imaginary lint she picked earnestly from the black cotton covering her knees.

"I keep hurting you, don't you see that? How many times have I left your life hanging by a thread, because I've made the wrong decisions for you, or for us?" The lint seemed to multiply, prompting her to pick with a furor. "I'm no good for you, Jason…I finally see that. You were just shot, because of me!"

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me - why would you even doubt that?" The things she was saying made no connection for him.

"For a really long time, I was convinced that we were unbreakable, unstoppable together…but I see now that's not true…I've broken you again and again, Jason."

"What? Sam, you've held me together and picked up the pieces of my life more often than I can count. What's going on, why have you lost faith in us?"

"Faith. Faith hasn't exactly kept you safe from my mistakes."

"This is so unlike you! You don't believe in us anymore? Why, Sam?" These words were not coming from his fearless Phoenix!

"You're always having to save my life, at the expense of risking your own!"

His voice was soft and he sounded so confused and lost, his face contorting in confusion, "So I should've just stood there and let that bastard shoot you? I would've taken a dozen bullets for you, Sam!"

"You shouldn't have to - that's my point! Jason, there was a time when I would've had the drop on that fool long before he even knew what hit him - not run headfirst in there like a crazy person!" A troubled hand braced her chest where her heart was pounding, screaming at her breast as it shattered in pieces. " ** _I didn't have your back_** _…_ and it's because I've allowed my mind to be eaten up by fear and worry…I am no use to you like this! I'm no good for you, and definitely _not_ what you need!"

"Please stop talking like that. You have, and will always be everything I need!" When the doubt that roared in her eyes stabbed at his heart, he sought another way to make her hear.

"You've been ill, Sam - you had our daughter in extreme conditions that many women would not have survived, much less come through strong and fighting with everything, like you did. You didn't make yourself ill…somebody else put you at the foot of that bridge and left you there."

"My illness is not to blame for me freezing up and being a liability, rather than a help to you, when you needed me."

"I'm not so sure about that, baby. You're still recovering - you started pushing yourself before you even got released from the hospital - I don't think you're completely healed yet, Sam."

"You're not listening, my love. I won't let you get hurt again…you deserve a life without the stress and the pain I continue to bring you. You've had to clean up after me, again and again…you've had to protect me, time after time…and it never seems to end. I will not allow myself to keep putting you through this. It has to stop, Jason. I have to stop it."

"By leaving me? Don't you see that's the one way to kill me, Sam? What makes you think I'd last a day without you - without our family? What reason would I have left?"

"Jake. His mother. The life you had before - the one you would have now, if not for me. You can be happy without me, we've both seen that." Her voice trailed off into quiet silence when her own words stabbed through her heart at the picture conjured of him with another.

"What we've seen was me living a life where I didn't know **_us_** _!_ " He grabbed her hand and slapped it over his heart, knowing she could feel the resounding thumping from his chest. "Where I didn't know **_THIS_**!" He gripped her tight, and when she moved to pull her hand back from the electric shock that tingled all through her, he held fast and bent his head in search of her watery eyes. "What we've seen is how, any happiness without **_you_** could only come from me not knowing a damn thing about _us_ and who we are to each other. Farce and lies and falsehoods, is what it took for me to be able to live without you…and we've come far, far past that now! There's no going back for me…not after you…not ever after **_you_**!"

Tears stung her eyes as his words scorched her heart. He wasn't listening to her. She was trying with everything needed to save him, to push him away from her dangerous heat, but he refused to listen. Why must he insist on being burnt?

"Jason."

Her broken sobs were breaking his heart and he needed to wade through the fog of her cloudy mind until he reached her! He would not stop until he reached her! That she could think he'd take a single step without her ever again was something he needed to clear up right and quick…because his baby was floundering in grief and withering pain. She was in trouble. She'd forgotten who they were to each other - who they were always meant to be together. He couldn't let her.

"Do you remember our wedding vows?"

It took her a minute to quiet the sniffles and regulate panting breaths that caught at the feel of his velvet touch, when he caressed the tears from her drowning cheeks. "I've never taken anything more seriously!"

"Good! Because, neither have I! We promised to be each other's stay in sickness and in health…and you've held me through that and more, Sam…with every ugly thing I've had to face in my uncertain life - even before we took those vows - **_you_** were always there!"

"Your pain was often my fault, Jason!"

His head shook with the strength of his objection. "How were any of my brain ailments your fault? Or when I got shot by other people and left for dead?"

Sniffling, she raised watery eyes to search his handsome face. "You have selective memory, my love! Remember when Reece shot you, because you tried to protect me… if it wasn't for your mother, you would've bled to death in that safehouse. That was _my_ fault…you went up against your best friend and had to place yourself between me and their guns, because I had the bad judgment to break into his house to steal from him, and ended up getting blamed for kidnapping his daughter."

"I was right to protect you - you didn't take Kristina! Why are we talking about an overzealous, foolish woman who had no business holding a badge, much less a gun? And Sonny should've known better than to accuse you. He knew you, he should've known not to believe appearances…and while you remember me almost dying in that safehouse, I recall you risking your freedom to go get Monica to help me."

"Stop trying to make me feel better - you can't hide from the facts anymore than I can and the fact is, I keep hurting you…and it needs to stop. Everytime I don't listen to you I put you in danger. When Ric had me locked up on false charges you told me to wait - you'd get a lawyer and get me out, but did I? I broke out and ran, and of course you came after me…and of course ended up shot, trying to protect me - again! I thought you were dead when you fell from that railing into the water…and since then I've gotten you hurt time and time again! We need to face that I haven't been good for your life, Jason! I pushed you to go with Sonny to that meeting…just like I pushed you to go to Bernie that night that left you with a bullet in your back! I can't seem to leave well enough alone, and every decision I encourage you to make leaves you fighting for your life - can't you see that? I don't make anything better for you, and I can't keep this up when I know I'm going to end up getting you killed!"

Jason was starting to realize how heavy the weight was that she was lugging. She'd gone way back in their history to find things in their life to blame herself for, and he couldn't understand for the life of him, why she would, when for every instance that she was carrying around like an anchor, he could name fifty where she had saved him.

"Have you always been feeling like this?"

No, this had to be a remnant of the Toxo wreaking havoc on her system. When she hung her head and went silent again, he fought to reach her.

"Sam, everytime you encourage me to be myself and to follow my instincts, you show me that you know me better than anyone. I don't know if you've noticed, but trouble just seems to find me, and it was that way long before the best thing in my life walked into that interrogation room. The difference is baby, since then I've had somebody in my corner in ways I didn't know possible before you…holding me up, defending me, loving me like **_I_** matter!" He bent his head to capture and lock eyes with her, making sure she caught the full extent of his plea. "You see me, Sam! You see _ME_!" His grip tightened on her hands. "If you really believe that you haven't been good for my life, baby you haven't been paying attention! I've never known anything like the way you love me, or fight for me! You're fighting for me right now, but this is one time I _need_ to make sure that you lose."

"Jason, please…you have to listen to me."

"No - _you_ listen to _me_. I could never leave you, Sam…and I'm failing at my job of being your husband, if I've made you feel like you need to leave me." He brushed the loch of hair that was forever falling in her eyes. "I need you. I need those beautiful brown eyes that look at me like I'm superman." His eyes fell to the base of her neck, pulling his fingers to brush it lithely. "I need the pulse that beat right here, constantly in sync with my own." The same hand travelled over her collar bone and across her chest to rest over her heart. "I need every beat that pumps through your veins and breathes life into me." Her arms felt tiny as he stroked his way down each one, gliding over the pimples evoked by his touch. "These arms that hold me, surround me with a love like nothing else I've ever known. I need the way you love me, Sam…only you give me that. _Only you._ "

When her tears threatened to incite his own, he cleared his throat and forged on, fighting for his life.

"Remember our honeymoon?" When her look said, come on - like I could ever forget, he continued, "Do you know what the best part was?"

The tiny, encouraging smirk of her lip gave him life. "Making Danny?"

The flashbacks brought a small smirk to lift a corner of Jason's mouth, despite the fact he couldn't be more serious. "Okay, the second best part?" When she shrugged, he told her, "Just you and me! You had the idea that we should go on our honeymoon and just forget to go back home, do you remember that?"

"Yah - and you wisely reminded me why we couldn't do that."

With all the sincerity in the world, he shook his head in disbelief. "Yet, now, six years, two phenomenal kids, and a life spent mostly apart - to suit other people's agendas - and I can't for anything, remember why!"

"Why what?"

"Why we didn't just do it! Why we didn't just stay! Sam, our lives took on other people's issues even before we got home. We didn't even make it to our first wedding anniversary - because of other people's bullshit! And years later, we're still dealing with other people's crap that kept getting in the way of us and what we built. We can stop, Sam. We can take our lives back from other people, right now!"

Without realizing it, she had stopped breathing, waiting with breathless anticipation for his next words, robbing her of any of her own. Given her astonishment at how much her usually quiet, soft spoken and often nonverbal husband had to say tonight, Sam found herself hanging on each blissful word.

"Let's stay right here! We have everything we need, asleep in that room over there. We don't ever need to leave, ever again!"

A soft cry from the room turned both their heads.

"She's been fussy all day. Danny got her to quiet down and fall asleep earlier but I think she really misses you."

"I miss her too. I need you guys more than you'll ever know."

Their daughter's cry sounded again and Jason moved from where he'd knelt before Sam to make his way to her room. Soon, Sam heard only the soft sounds of bonding father and daughter and she got up so she could get a peek at the sight she'd treasured for so long. Jason Morgan with a baby in his arms was still the most beautiful sight in the world, and that it was their baby, created by their love, in a life they'd chosen to forge together, was more than her scarred, jaded heart could hold within its walls. Theirs was a life that was so much more than she'd ever dreamt, but it also threatened all she'd ever wanted by endangering the man she loved like nothing she'd ever known. How could one minute be everything…then in the next threaten it all? How could she love him as completely as she did, and not give everything to protect him, even as she needed him to breathe? She was so, so confused.


	3. Chapter 3

"What was the plan, Sam?"

Jason sat back on the sofa, grimacing slightly when the motion caused a pull to the stitches in his chest. Scout had settled back to sleep in his arms earlier after he'd spent just a few minutes holding and rocking her, but he kept at it and walked the room for awhile, before laying her back to bed.

He hadn't done that in weeks and had missed it so much…having spent all that time in the hospital, comatose and without his family…without his everything. He loved holding his babygirl in his arms. There was no other feeling like the one he got from being with his children, watching them laugh and smile, seeing Scout's happy little kicks and flailing of her tiny hands, hearing about Danny's day and the concerns of his sharp little mind, watching them play and discover the world around them - priceless, indelible moments that he lived for.

He'd completely missed the first four years of Danny's life…never got to hold him as a newborn, held him only one day at four months old, then not again for years to come. Then when he came back he'd spent almost an entire year seeing his boy and having no clue he was seeing his DNA, his flesh and blood, a tiny replica of all that was good in him… _almost an entire year_ \- after missing out on every breath he'd taken, his first crawl, first steps, first tooth, first word…he'd missed every sniffle, every earache, every colicky sleepless night…and he'd missed the even bigger ones too…like when he could've lost his son forever to cancer. It always punched him solidly to the gut whenever he thought of how he could've returned to find out that not only was Danny his _biological_ son afterall, but that he'd never get the chance to know him.

When his mind started to take a dark turn towards the people who'd tried to keep his son from his life forever, Jason did what he always does…he quickly replaced the nauseating memories with reflection on every miracle he now had. His son was in remission - the healthy, happy, bright little joy to his day. His babygirl had fought through hell to take her first breath, a breath that he'd been right there for, a breath blown into her tiny lungs from the air coursing through his own. He thought of that one absolutely scariest moment of his entire life, when _her_ tiny one hung in the balance…when the breath that he drew for the family that he loved above everything in the world, made the difference between her living, and not…when his love, his life, his very existence mattered most…that one surreal, unmatched moment when the breath that gave him life was what his daughter needed to jumpstart hers.

Sam caught the grimace on his pale face and saw the clamminess his skin was taking on, and her worry soared.

"You need to get some rest - we can talk more later."

"Sleep is the last thing I want right now. What I need is to know that I'm not losing my whole life."

"That's exactly what will happen if you keep pushing yourself this way, Jason. I mean it, go take the bed - get some sleep. Our conversation can wait until morning."

"It's already morning now." Without them noticing, the night had rolled into the early hours of the next day. "Tell me…what were you planning to do?"

Sam sighed, because she knew the only way to get him to rest would be to give him answers. He liked to say she was stubborn, but he had her beat. He'd move mountains to take care of everyone else, but his own health always seemed to be of the least concern to him. So stubborn!

"This was it for now. The kids and I were going to spend a few weeks right here, decompressing…then we'd return home. I just needed to get away from everything for a little while, okay? It was all getting to be too much…it was all falling on you to fix…and you've done that enough."

His eyes searched her face, before they turned to his hands resting limp in his lap when he mumbled, "Am I part of what got to be too much for you?"

"Not in the way you mean." When his eyes met hers again, she needed to take the hurt from them. He didn't deserve it - he didn't deserve the pain he was going through - physical nor emotional. "What happened with Sonny before - you having to cover up and fix my mess, _again_ …then later, you trying to watch his back and get us clear of that life once and for all, but ended up laying down your life for me instead…Jason, you need a break! From me, from Sonny, from his business…it's all been taking toll on you for years - it's time it stopped - all of it!"

A moment of silence passed between them, during which he went from her troubled face, back to studying his hands intently.

"We had a plan of our own, remember? We talked about it, Sam…I'd go to the meet with Sonny, have his back while he walked away clean, then you and I could get back to our own lives. That was our plan. Granted, it went askew a little bit, but you without me, was never part of it. Why did you change _our_ plan?"

"You almost dying was never part of our plan either, but that happened, didn't it? It happened because I'm a _mess_ …and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I'm terrified every second, which is not only shockingly unlike me, but it means I'm bound to make more bad decisions that will no doubt affect you. Jason, the meet went _royally_ bad! Sonny's decision has painted a target on his back and it's about to get worse before it gets better - you and I both know that. This ridiculously, crippling fear leaves me in no condition to be around any of it…it's just throwing your life in danger left and right. This is the best thing for us right now, don't you see that? You're going to get caught up in whatever Sonny's doing - he's your friend so you're not about to see him in danger and do nothing, and I can't be of any help to you…not when my mind and my gut are so out of sync like this. You don't need me around right now."

" ** _I always need you_**!" He hadn't meant to snap but his insides were churning hot and she was still slipping away. "Sam, I can't sit at home quietly while my family is halfway around the world, out of my reach! Sonny, and turf wars are no longer a priority for me - we've talked about that and I thought you understood. Nothing, and no-one, is more important to me than my family! How could you think I'd be okay with leaving you to fight for something that's not even a part of me anymore?"

"Let's face it, Jason - it will always be part of you, part of our life. We can't effectively walk away until it's settled, and we've seen now that it never will be. Sonny's in trouble, and that means you're going to be there - you can't help it. I'm too scared of losing you again to be able to stand by your side while you do what you feel you need to do, so the best thing I could think of was to leave."

"No way. Any decision that involves me living without you is the wrong one! I'm not Sonny's enforcer anymore and I'm not going back to being him. This was a one time deal, and baby, I'm so sorry that it went the way it did. It made everything worse for you and that was the total opposite of how we expected it to go down, but I can't make it better if you don't _let_ me."

"There you go taking care of me again. Don't you get tired of it? Don't you want your life back?"

"Do you get tired of taking care of _me_? No, you don't! Because we love and support each other through everything, Sam - it's what we do!"

It had been that way with them forever. Taking care of her and their kids was what he signed up for and the best job he'd ever had - it wasn't something he'd ever take lightly. There was no life for him to take back that didn't include them in it.

"Jason, I'm giving you an out - grab it. Take back what I've taken and taken from you, this is your chance to have it all back."

Have back a life devoted to something he no longer believed in? An empty, aimless shell of one without the purpose he'd found with her, the constant rush he got from loving her?

"My life now is being your husband and a father to my kids…there is nothing in this world that's more important than that… _nothing_!"

The new sheet of sweat forming on his forehead caught her attention and sent a stroke of worry through her, propelling movement from the armchair that had been her fortress all night. Sam slid into the seat beside him as pained blue eyes followed the quick movements of her body and the lifting of the hand she placed gingerly to his forehead to gauge his temperature. She could feel the familiar surge from eyes that bore all the way through her.

"You're warm, Jason. You're getting a fever. Okay, that's it - you need to rest and I'm not kidding this time. Where's your medication - did they give you anything?"

His head ached and he felt feverish indeed but he was convinced it had more to do with the fight he was in for his life than the physical symptoms she thought they were…but she had her stern face on. Despite himself, Jason smiled and reached inside his jeans pocket for the bottle, handing it to her as his head rested on the back of the couch. Maybe she was right…he could probably use a minute.

Sam reached for the bottle of water on the coffee table that she'd been sipping earlier, then watched that he swallowed the dose of antibiotics. "What about pain killers - didn't they give you those too?"

With his eyes closed against the light that seemed suddenly too bright for the headache he was sporting, Jason pointed towards the door. "In the car. Don't need them."

"Like hell you don't. Come on, let me help you to bed."

The image of her curled into the perfect fit she was to his body, in bed, was soothing. "By all means."

Plopping on top of the covers was the last thing he remembered before waking to the bright light of the sun streaming through the windows, and his son leaning on the bed, scouring his face intently.

"Are you okay, Daddy?"

Jason squeezed his eyes tight then blinked them open again to look at Danny, who was dressed for the beach in a dark blue wetsuit, the goggles perched atop his head indicating he was ready to take on the waves that Jason could remember they'd loved so much on their honeymoon.

"I'm fine, Buddy. Where's everybody?" The pounding in his head had subsided and he felt almost normal again, after sleeping soundly for the first night since he woke up from the coma.

"On the beach. Mommy said you need to sleep…so we can go swimming tomorrow, okay Daddy?"

Jason moved to a sitting position, throwing his legs over the side of the bed, noticing that he was wearing shorts, remembering only kicking his boots off the night before and dropping into bed in his jeans. He saw the duffle on the chair and realized Sam must've gotten it from the car and changed him while he was conked out. He noticed also that his socks had been removed and there was a damp washcloth on the nightstand near his pills, a vague memory surfacing of Sam using it to balm his face and neck sometime during the night.

"Thanks, Buddy. Looks like you're ready now though." He moved his right arm in a slow circle to gauge the pain in his chest, hating to disappoint his son, but considered that it may be wise for him to give his injury a few more days to heal before he tackled something as physical as swimming.

"Mommy's teaching me to surf."

"Oh, yeah? Mommy's really good at it - you'll be a pro in no time."

When the last circle went too wide, Jason winced at the sudden stab of pain then lowered his arm carefully. A minute later a huge jolt of adrenaline shot to his heart, when his son reappeared with a glass of water from where he'd run into the bathroom, and handed it to Jason, before swiping his pill bottle from the nightstand and holding it out to him too.

"Here you go, Daddy. When I hurt, Mommy gives me medicine and it makes me all better. You should take your medicine too."

Jason obediently unscrewed the childproof cap and swallowed a couple oblongs, then placed the glass next to the resealed bottle on the nightstand, before holding his hands palm-up in surrender.

"There. I did it." When Danny's brilliant little smile tugged at his heartstrings, he chuckled and kissed the top of his son's head. "Come on, I want to watch you surf."

Sam stood waist deep in the waves, swirling Scout around slowly as the water washed them both. The huge smile on her seven month old, warped into a screechy laugh as she bobbed up and down in Sam's arms, and for those precious moments her world was whole again. Her babygirl's happiness swelled her heart and calmed her mindset, and she knew she'd done the right thing for her children. She would never even consider keeping them away from him, but they needed this time far away from it all. _She_ needed this time far away from it all.

But that was not to say that the sight of him had not swelled her heart and half righted her world. He'd come for them. She gave him a clear shot at taking control back, taking his freedom back…and his choice had been them. Without taking so much as a complete day to consider his other options, he'd come straight after them. So why wasn't she more relieved, more elated, more sure of his choice?

She was making another turn with a gleeful Scout kicking her tiny, happy legs at the feel of the water, when her eyes caught movement from the shore. The two most precious men in her life were headed their way, and for a moment Sam was reminded of how very different Jason was at the beach. Seeing him relaxed, clad in shorts and t-shirt as he walked the sand and talked leisurely with their son, was a priceless image she'd forever commit to memory. They were all so different here.

Maybe for today she could give him the benefit of the doubt and take comfort in the gesture he'd made by coming, instead of dreading the foreboding that he hadn't taken the time to really think things through, as she'd hoped he would. Maybe she could just let him be with his children…he had, afterall, lost weeks of his life to another coma and his world was changing yet again. Maybe she could give him this time as well, to weigh his options without pressure or stipulations, to relax in a neutral setting and decide for himself where his path would lead. Yes - she would give him at least that.

The hours they spent at the water together with their babies were heaven. Sam got a kick out of watching Jason digging around in the sand with Scout, while she paddled Danny out to teach him how to balance on his foam board.

"Mommy, I want to stand up and ride a wave."

"Not yet, Kiddo. First, you have to learn to balance the weight of your body on your board and paddle through the water. We have to find your sweet spot." He was flat on his stomach where he'd ridden the board out, with Sam walking beside him.

"What's that?"

" _That_ , is where you place yourself at the perfect angle so the front of your board is not too far out of the water and not too much down in it, so you can better control your movements. Like this…" She helped him to scoop to the very center of the board, while she showed him the front end tipping at the perfect angle.

His tiny little face was lit with glee as his little arms cut through water next to his mother.

"Feel that motion? Today we're just going to practice paddling and getting comfortable with your board, okay?"

"Okay."

Sam smiled at his impatience to be surfing already. Definitely a trait inherited from his parents, who never waited patiently for anything they really wanted. They always preferred to get to the meat of a thing right away, and it had been the same way for them with surfing too.

In the days to come, Sam would teach her son to laugh at himself when he toppled off his board, trying to kneel and keep his balance with the bouncing waves. He had a lot of fun in the water, he always did…and she encouraged him to not be afraid of the sea or any adventure he cared to tackle. He was already showing signs of being fearless, and as much as her own fears were trying to cripple their lives these days, she refused to fan those flames in her children as she fought her own.

Jason lounged beneath the huge beach umbrella on the sand where Scout slept next to him, and watched his wife and son out in the waves. They'd spent days together being a carefree family, even as they'd silently agreed to table the large issues still between them. It had just happened…without them talking about it or being awkward around each other, they'd tabled their discussion for the benefit of their family and had spent their days lazing by the beach and watching their children play and be carefree. By some miracle and without them seeing it happen, the Morgans had ended up on vacation.

He watched as Sam and Danny emerged from the water in their wetsuits that glistened with its sheen, and Jason just _had_ to snap a photo of them with their foam boards tucked beneath their arms, laughing about something between the two. They were happy. It felt like he'd seen Sam laugh and smile more in the last few days than she had in seven months, and it both delighted and alarmed him.

Sitting straighter as they got closer, Jason realized to himself that his wife had practically stopped smiling since their second wedding. How had he not noticed that the rich, delightful spontaneous laugh hadn't been heard in forever? When had he stopped giving her things to laugh about? There was a time when he made her laugh all the time…when he'd let her convince him to eat squid, when he'd take her out riding along the countryside and up into the mountains, when he'd chase her around the apartment and up the stairs, when he'd swoop her tiny frame and hoist her onto his shoulders…when had he stopped doing the little things that made his gorgeous wife laugh?

"Daddy, did you see? I didn't fall off with that last wave!"

Jason watched his delighted son as he leaned the board against the umbrella and unfastened its tether from his right foot. "Did I see it? Got it right here!" He held up the phone and swiveled it so Danny could see.

"You did? Let me see, let me see?"

He sat beside Jason excitedly as Sam leant her board against his, smiled at the sight of them poring over the short video, then took a peek at a sleeping scout.

"Did you put more sunscreen on her? We've been out here awhile."

"I did a minute ago. She was watching you two until she conked out. I think she wants to go surfing too."

Sam's heart caught at the smirk-smile on his handsome face and for a hot moment she was looking right at ' _honeymoon Jason_.' He was sporting a tan from being in the sun the past few days, and the worry lines that had plagued his face for months were all gone. His features were relaxed and he was loose, barechested, bracing back on his hands in the sand, the royal blue swim trunks throwing a heavenly contrast to the blond hair and blue eyes that were swimming with something she hadn't seen in a while. _Honeymoon Jason_ , with sand between his toes and his worries left half a world away…oh, how she'd longed to keep him that way.

"She's too little, Daddy."

Danny laughed at his father's silliness and replayed the video once more, as Sam wiggled out of her wetsuit, turning back just in time to catch appreciative blue eyes scanning her white, two-piece clad physique…bringing a rosy pink to suddenly flushed cheeks. She instantly recognized the hunger that matched her own at the sight of _honeymoon Jason,_ a reminder of one thing they'd never run short of or been at odds about...that raw, unmatched, intense passion that roared compatibly between them.

The ringing of Jason's phone sounded, breaking the locked stare and the electrically charged moment, to bring them back to the beach. They both looked over to Danny when he pushed the phone towards his father.

"Daddy, it's Uncle Sonny."


	4. Chapter 4

"I hate to do this to you man, but I could use your help."

Jason paced the sands as he watched Sam carry a sleeping Scout towards the cottage, with Danny hauling his board behind her. One ear listened as Sonny went on about the war that was breaking out at home, as his mind wrestled with what to do.

"Jason - are you there?"

He turned to look out over the water where clear beautiful blue met an equally clear sky at the horizon, and he wished his life would show that same clarity to him.

"I'm listening."

"So will you do it? Will you come give me a hand with this situation? I could really use your skills here, man."

"It's not a good time, Sonny."

"No shit, it's not a good time! I have shipments disappearing in my own harbor and people goading me into a fight on my own turf. Max is a good guy but he can't handle this. I need someone who knows his way around the ring, know what I'm saying?"

 _"Sonny, it's not a good time!"_

"Why do you keep saying that? Is Sam making you choose? She's a strong lady, Jason. Just talk to her - she'll understand, now that she's not sick anymore."

"It's not that easy right now. Just hire more men and cover the ports and warehouses. Some of your guys I worked with for years, they know their way around the business. They know what to do - just let them do it."

"Nobody is as effective as you are. You will have this thing handled in no time and we can get back to normal. I'm counting on you, Jason. Think about Carly and everyone here who will get hurt if you don't do this. We're all counting on you."

The line went dead as Jason stood there, looking at the phone as he marveled at the obvious gall. Typical Sonny! He spoke and his orders should be obeyed without question. So what if Jason had everything to lose now - he could just go back to figuring it out after he'd done what Sonny bade. Did it matter at all that he no longer worked for him? Jason shook his head and turned towards the cottage, knowing from the way Sam had packed up and left the beach that he would not receive a warm welcome. Just like that, one stupid phonecall may have torn their delicate, tenuous, unspoken truce to shreds.

Danny was leaving the shower and she was headed in when Jason pushed the front door open, receiving only a cursory glance before she closed the door between them. He sighed and took a seat on the sofa, racking his mind on how to proceed without causing major damage. There was bound to be blood in the streets of the city before long, if Sonny didn't effectively shut down the attempt to take over his territory. The sharks had smelled blood the minute he'd announced his retirement, and after the shooting at the warehouse, they would be lining up to forcibly take what he'd dangled then snatched back. Jason knew he'd have a hard time living with himself if anything happened to his friends or his family in Port Charles because of his inactivity, but he was far more concerned with his own family's well being. Where to draw the extremely blurry line?

He was still lost in thought when Sam sat next to him on the sofa, pulling her legs beneath her as she tucked damp hair behind an ear and faced him. He recognized the cutoff jeans shorts that showed off her beautiful, smooth legs that he desperately wanted to stroke…she'd worn them on their honeymoon…that day when Carly showed up and shot their blissful two weeks alone to pieces. Someone was forever intruding on their time together. They fit her now just like they fit her then, hot and sassy - just like her. Sad brown eyes met blue, but there was something else he read there too.

"Sam…" he began, but stopped when she laid a finger tenderly to his lips and shushed him softly.

"You have to go, don't you?"

Jason shook his head as her hand fell away to her lap. "No. I'm not leaving you and the kids. Not this time."

Sam studied the man who always opted to carry the responsibility for saving the world squarely on his broad shoulders. "It could be really bad if you don't."

He was shaking his head for emphasis. "This is exactly what you're fighting with right now, and I'm not choosing anybody over you again. For so long I didn't realize that was what I'd been doing, but now that I know that's how you perceive it, that's not happening again!"

"It's okay, Jason. I'm not going to blame you for going. You have to do what you need to do, I understand that about you."

"That's what you've always said, but look what happened when you got sick? The Toxo played on fears that were coming from _somewhere_ , Sam. No, Sonny handled everything just fine while I was gone. He can handle this too."

"He didn't handle anything. Sonny was a complete mess after what happened to you. He got even more volatile and reactive, which is what led to him killing AJ and landing himself in prison. He lost Michael because of it, and even though they're back to being family, that relationship has never been the same after that. Carly was a total calamity too…she almost married _Franco_ , for christ's sake…the same sick degenerate that had her son _raped_. Do you think Michael will ever really forgive that, deep down? Those two are a _disaster_ without you around."

"I know what happened and it was all pretty damn tragic, but they're adults, baby…if I'd left them to clean up more of their own messes back in the day, maybe they would be better off for it and I wouldn't have made so many mistakes with you and me. I am _done_ leaving you when you need me."

Sam released a long sigh as she ran both hands through her hair and held it a moment above her head, before letting it fall again. She shoved up from the sofa and walked behind it to look out the window at the calm water.

"Maybe you're right, Jason. I mean, isn't this what I said I needed to stop doing?" She crossed her arms to hug her body, as she gazed wistfully at the ocean. "Here I am, trying to talk you into a situation that you have reservations about, that could once again get you killed. This is exactly what I said I wouldn't do anymore."

Jason slowly moved to stand behind her, risking to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her soft body into him. He released a pentup breath when she didn't pull away, but rested against him with her head to his chest. He hadn't held her in weeks and had been spiraling from lack of it.

"You're doing what you always do for me…talk through a problem until I see things clearly enough to make a decision that I can live with. You know me, Sam…and you know better than anybody how I can let guilt eat me up. You try to save me from that and I appreciate that about you, more than you know."

The comfort she felt from being in his arms was as potent as it ever was. "I'm not being all that selfless honestly. The truth is, we both have people back home that matter to us, and if anything happened to any of them it would kill us to know that we could've prevented it somehow. My mother and sisters live in that town too, and the last thing I want to hear is that one of them got hurt, caught in some crossfire that could've been prevented."

He swayed her softly in arms crossed with hers as she held him to her, neither one of them wanting to let go. "I know. I feel the same way, but we have to draw a line somewhere. For our kids and for our marriage, we have to decide what we're not willing to risk again."

Her voice was soft and wistful. "A part of me wants to keep you all to myself and tell you never go back to a situation that could take you away from us again." She turned in his arms so she could see his beautiful blue eyes. "But I can't afford to be selfish at the expense of everyone we love, anymore than I can afford to be selfish at the cost to you."

Her soulful brown eyes bore into him and he could see through to the heart she wore on her sleeve, open to him, to their children…to anyone in need of her compassion. Sam. His selfless, giving, nurturing, thoughtful, brave, ferocious Phoenix burned true and clean from every pore of her, and he loved her more fiercely than he'd ever loved in his life. She could forever give him what he needed, before he even realized what it was that he needed. There was no other like her.

"I'll help Sonny, but I'm not leaving. I'm not going back to fight his war at the expense of everything."

"How will you be able to do that? Jason, he needs somebody on the ground in Port Charles in the thick of things, to react as things arise. You can't do what you need to do from here."

He kissed her lips hurriedly, once, then twice, then once more. "Watch me!" Then he reluctantly released her from his arms and grabbed the phone to set his plans in place.

Hours later, Jason's phone lit up with Sonny's number, his voice sounding as soon as he pushed talk, before Jason even had a chance to say hello.

"Jason. The pilot hasn't heard from you - are you flying back commercially?"

"I'm not coming, I told you that."

"What? Are you afraid Sam won't be able to handle herself? She's done it for years. She'll understand like she always does."

"You're right…Sam does understand…but I'm putting a stop to her needing to."

"And you can't do that after we take care of things here?"

"I didn't say I wouldn't help - I said I'm not coming."

"You're no good to me unless you're here."

Jason struggled to contain his temper when it threatened to fire off at his longtime friend's insensitive candor.

"I've already made phonecalls to Max and Milo to start recruiting. They know guys who want to work and those guys know skilled people, so you'll have a new army by this time tomorrow. Your key lieutenants have instructions to hit anybody who hits you first, and for every one of your shipments that was destroyed, starting tomorrow night, they will take two of theirs. Nobody gets into your ports who they don't know, and all unauthorized shipments will be taken or destroyed, depending on what it is. Spinelli is sending you a list of every asset belonging to the other families, starting with Petrov's number two…he's the one who's been hitting you in retaliation for killing Petrov. You shut him down, **_hard_** , and the others will take notice and think twice about trying what he failed at."

There was a short silence where Jason could tell Sonny was mulling over what he'd just heard. It didn't matter whether he agreed to it or not, everything was already in motion and it wasn't going to be stopped, not when they both had people they needed to protect, by whatever means necessary.

"I appreciate that you've been giving this some thought but I still think you can manage things better if you're here in Port Charles."

"It's this or nothing, Sonny. My family needs me here - I'm not leaving."

"You have family here too."

"And I love every one of them…but don't ask me to choose again." The cold warning voice was one he'd never normally use with his brother…not since that time when he'd been forced to go up against him to save him from himself, to save his sister…but he needed to make his position very clear. He wasn't going to be the choice this time.

Following a long pause, he heard Sonny's voice again. "Understood. I'll let Max know what we're doing."

The line went dead and Jason stood on the back lanai staring out at the dusk, watching the rain clean traces of the day away, and he felt a peaceful balm creep up behind the tension. His wife knew how much she mattered, and while indications were that it wasn't quite enough for her right then, she hadn't completely shut him down and had even allowed him to hold her again. She knew now that he'd never willingly leave their family…not anymore than he'd let them leave him behind - it had registered.

The thought of things spiraling out of control at home still troubled him, and at a different time, he had no doubt he'd have been on the first flight out to run everything personally…but he couldn't risk it now…not when his family was still extremely vulnerable and Sam was still on the verge of breakup, thinking it the only way to save him. Her mental state had vastly improved, but she was still recovering from the infection that had given her those horrific hallucinations for weeks on end. No, he couldn't and wouldn't leave. Wild horses and a thousand manned chariots couldn't drag him from her side when she needed him.

She needed something solid to believe in again and he needed to be it. She needed for him to help secure the ground beneath her feet so she could have faith in them once more…he wouldn't accomplish that by leaving…and that meant _everything_ that _another_ war over Sonny's territory never would. That life had stopped being enough for him for so long that he'd almost forgotten how big a part it had played. How could he not, after the mountain top he'd reached with the love of his life, the incredible creations from their intense love?

The feel of her arms circling his waist sent his eyes closed and his lips curling in sublime smile. Her head rested to the middle of his back and they just stood there together, lost in that magic that mired them there. Slowly, he traced the delicate spread of her fingers at his belly, loving the feel of her on him.

"You laughed today."

"What?"

He felt her head lift off his back and he turned his body so he could move her round to face him, studying the facial signs he'd been doing such a piss poor job of reading lately.

"You never laugh anymore. I didn't realize that until today."

"What are you talking about? I laugh all the time."

He dutifully tucked the stubborn loch of air behind her left ear. "When was the last time you were genuinely happy?"

His observation caught her off guard to the extent that Sam had to stop and actually think about it. She hated that she couldn't answer.

"We have a lot going on, Jason. I'm sure I've laughed, but honestly, baby, we've been a little busy recently."

"Exactly. It's always been one of my favorite things - to make you laugh…but I seem to have forgotten how to do that." The stubborn loch escaped again, and again he tucked it back softly. "I can remember when you laughed all the time. You deserve to."

Sam knew what he was doing. He felt to blame for the worries of the world she'd been lugging around. Thinking about it, she knew he was right - there hadn't been a helluva lot to laugh at lately…but he was also very wrong. It wasn't because of him or anything he wasn't giving her. She had more than she'd ever dreamt for her life, and it was thanks to him and the love he'd opened up within her. Losing that, losing him, was the crippling fear that had robbed her of finding laughter in the life they lived, not him.

"I don't feel neglected when you're being yourself you know, and I actually wish you'd consider your own needs more."

"My needs are met everytime I look at you." The back of his fingers traced a delicate path down her silky cheek as he drank from her expressive eyes. "I need to make you happy. I need to make you feel safe and loved, and I need to make sure that you know how important you are to me…that's what I need."

"That's sweet…but I'm serious. I love that the kids and I mean so much to you, but you always forget to take what you need for yourself."

He took her hand and led her to a chaise, where he sat down next to her. "Is this about going home again?"

"Yes. I know you, Jason…I know you'll be worried the entire time, wondering what's happening in your absence. I think it's _colossally_ selfish of Sonny to call you back into a situation that almost took your life, _again_ …but what's new about Sonny being selfish? We've been letting him get away with that for so many years - he's not about to change now." She grasped his fingers tightly and searched his eyes. "But this isn't about Sonny anymore…it's about your peace of mind."

"I'm not going to Port Charles - get used to it. There's no other choice for me to make, not in this."

"Okay, that's up to you…and you'll have the day to yourself tomorrow - maybe you can use it to weigh your decision."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes. I'm taking Danny and Scout to Honolulu - I promised Danny I'd take him to see the volcanoes there and he wants to see the different beaches. I'm thinking we'll just make a day trip of it…too much for your injuries, so before you start protesting, forget it - you are not opening your stitches on my watch - you're staying put."

"You're leaving me?" That actually hurt a little…and her mischievous smile didn't make it any better.

"Stop sounding like a pouty five year old." She actually chuckled out loud when he smirked. "The last thing you need with your injury is to spend a long day with two young kids, walking all over town. Besides, you know you need to be available to manage Sonny."

He saw the far away look that crossed her face as she added, "Not the first time the business has followed us here."

Of course he remembered. He'd fallen in love with her again without even remembering all that she was to him, yet he'd left her to go answer to Sonny's needs.

"That was a different lifetime."

"I know…but don't you see the full circle? How ironic it is that this situation is the very same one that we found ourselves in some _twelve_ years ago?"

Jason shook his head adamantly. "It's not the same - we're completely different people and this will have a totally different outcome."

"I agree we are different. But Sonny isn't so much, and just like he did back then, he's relying on you to run back to town to save his neck. It's going to eat you up, wondering if the same close call will befall him if you don't go back. So…while I take our children on the excursion we have planned - you can use the time to cement whether or not you're going…I'll support any decision you make for yourself."

"I've already made my decision. Why don't you believe it, Sam?"

"I do believe you - you wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it…but I know you, Jason. You will spend the whole time worrying about him, second guessing yourself - wondering if you've made the right choice or not…that's why I think you should have some time by yourself so that you can decide what's really right for you."

"We keep going over and over this…"

"I know - and I'm exhausted. I don't want you to feel like you _need_ to stay, when your mind has you invested elsewhere. If you're not here when we get back, I promise you that I won't be mad and I won't hold it against you. I just need you to be sure…"

He knew she was right, and he also knew it was her way of giving him space and time to really think, so he simply nodded when she squeezed his hand before rising to her feet. Jason watched her leave, missing them before the next day had even begun.


	5. Chapter 5

The following evening, Sam arrived back at the cottage to find a deafening silence that greeted the push of the front door, making her heart instantly heavy. He was gone…which was not surprising, given his sense of loyalty that constantly propelled him to put himself in danger to save others…but still, her disappointment was slicing. She'd loved having him with them the last few days, which brought home once again how very important their intact family was to her. Things were always better with him around, and Sam was not looking forward to the dismal alternative.

But she'd promised him she'd support whatever he chose. She wouldn't go back on that.

Danny was completely tuckered out, collapsing on the couch the minute they got inside. Sam lifted Scout from the stroller to give her a bath and was caught off guard by movement from the bedroom door. She looked up to the blissful surprise of her gorgeous man tumbling up from a late nap. Feeling her heart race at the sight of him, she drank in every connotation of what his presence there meant for them, clutching Scout resoundingly to her bosom, as she locked eyes with the love of her life where they stood frozen…a lifetime passing between them in mere moments.

Jason indulged in the sight of his beautiful family, having spent one long, restless day there without them, a day that served only to reaffirm his decision that his place was wherever they were. The thought of flying back to Port Charles had been less than fleeting, once he'd made that final decision and had spent most of the day on the phone with Max and Claudio, confirming that they'd gotten the resources needed and everyone was in place. He instructed them to start playing hardball, that it was essential that they were prepared to back up any play that received push back. He hadn't heard from Sonny all day, which Jason knew was his way of pouting at not having his command obeyed…but he was going to be pouting for awhile if he didn't learn to accept the status quo.

"Hi."

She looked beat and beautiful at the same time, and the heart that thumped in his chest skipped when she took the breath that escaped him.

"Hi."

The next hour was spent in heaven. Jason supervised Danny's bath and got him ready for bed, listening to his son tell him all about his exciting day. After bathtime Danny wanted to watch a documentary on Pearl Harbor, which he told his dad had been his favorite stop of the day. He talked excitedly about standing in the same spot that his cousin Michael had told him all about…where hundreds of US Navy and airmen fought bravely against bombs dropping all around them.

"Didn't you find it scary?"

"It was ages and ages ago, Daddy…looong before I was even born. Mommy took a picture of me and Scout on Battleship Row and I sent it to Mikey. He says he's so jealous he's coming to visit so I can show him in person."

Jason smiled at his excited little boy rambling on and on like his mother, where they snuggled on the couch together, sleep finding him quickly when the tiring day caught up to increasingly heavy eyelids. He hadn't even made it through the first fifteen minutes of the film.

Sam watched her little boy curled up and safe in the arms of his father, and her heart burst with love, so much love. She treasured the sight of Jason with their children - the way he loved them was everything.

After tucking Danny in, Jason lightly kissed him on the head and sat just watching him sleep.

"Sweet dreams, Buddy."

"I don't know how sweet they're going to be after a day of battleships and destroyers." Sam's soft whisper from the doorway followed him as he rose to his feet and moved to her, where he rested his hands lightly at her waist and weighed the questions in her eyes.

"He's fine…he likes that explosive stuff…no idea where he gets that from." He teased as he thought how pretty she looked, her hair pulled up in a ponytail to expose her freshly laundered skin - soft, clean and clear. Bare. Just her. He pulled her into his arms and nuzzled his face to her neck where he breathed her in deeply.

"You smell really nice."

He could feel her arms surround his back and they clung tightly together, just standing there in the middle of Danny's door, just holding each other…just holding tightly one to the other.

"Did you eat?" Sam remembered he was just waking up when they got home and knowing him, she knew he probably forgot to eat all day. The silent shake of his head on her shoulder confirmed.

"Want me to make you a sandwich?"

The smile when he moved his head to see her eyes was mischievous. She lifted his t-shirt to check his wound…he hadn't needed bandages in a couple days and was healing nicely, no more redness around the edges. He'd be able to get the stitches out soon.

"Only if it's a BLT."

She took his hand and led him from the room as he pulled up the door behind them and followed her to the small kitchen.

"I don't typically burn bacon anymore but I can make a special exception for you tonight - even make the bread nice and soggy."

They smiled at each other…the sweet smile of two people who had lived a lifetime of moments together and shared treasured ones between only them.

"Okay, maybe not the same _exact_ BLT."

Sam chuckled softly as she got the items from the fridge, along with the carton of milk.

"Warm or cold?" she asked as she held the container up.

"What you have, I have."

She smiled again, her heart still beating unusually fast with the discovery that he stayed, even as her mind calmed with the same.

"Warm, it is then."

They talked while they ate at the kitchen table, Jason relaying to Sam the strategies he'd outlined for them to secure the business at home, reassuring her it should all work out to stem any threat of violence in the streets.

Before bed, Sam called her Mom and sisters to check in, who told her everything was pretty quiet but that Sonny had sent men to watch the lakehouse and the dorms. For the immediate future he'd also put tails on the girls, who Alexis told her were currently unaware of their presence so far. Somewhat relieved, Sam knew she wouldn't breathe easy until it was all over, but she also knew that her husband was very good at his former job, and there was no-one she trusted more.

She hung up with her mom and joined Jason on the couch, taking up her favorite position with her leg tucked beneath her.

"So, what now?"

He looked at her hopeful, beautiful face and he knew she'd had a long, full day. "That's up to you - I know I want my family back - do you?"

"We didn't really go anywhere." The soft spoken words told the truth that was in her heart. "I don't think it's a coincidence that the first place I thought to run to, is the place that means the most to both of us, a place where you'd undoubtedly think to look."

His arm moved as if of its own accord to rest his fingers on her smooth, tanned thigh. "I'd find you anywhere you went, you know that right?"

Her eyes fell to where his touch ignited spark plugs beneath her skin. "If I had any doubt, I think I know better now." She covered his hand on her thigh, interlocking the long, strong fingers that strummed her so expertly. "So what do we do?"

His eyes met hers, no uncertainty within their blue, blue depth. "We stay here for awhile. I'm happy here - with you, with our kids - just us. We can enroll Danny in preschool, give you, our family, the time we need to heal…before we consider whether or not we want to go back."

"What about Jake, his mo…what about Jake?"

It killed him to know she'd probably always have lingering doubts about his relationship with Jake's mother and that it was on him, given the way he'd previously idolized the woman, even at the expense of his relationship with Sam. He knew deep down he'd probably never be able to get her to fully trust that he'd never even think of going back there again, but he was going to find a way to make her see. There was no way he could ever go back. Not now, not after who they'd become, how unbreakably they'd grown. They were a million times more solid now - too solid for the misguided, blind slips that led him away before.

"Jake will be fine. Maybe I can convince his mother to send him for winter break…we'll figure it out."

"You would do that? Just leave everything there and just stay?"

"What are you even asking me?" His hand travelled to the back of her head to force her eyes back onto his again, when the anxiety relayed by his voice urgently sought her acquiescence. _"Tell me you know."_ Like he'd ever be out of his mind to give them up for guns and violence and old thrills…or some mundane existence with his head stuck in the sand, being led around by his nose by a woman unfit to even speak her name.

She knew. She saw in his eyes, every answer to every question that had plagued and beleaguered her for a long time. She saw answers to questions she hadn't even asked, in the eyes of the man who mirrored the other half of her troubled, weary soul. He was there. He wanted to be and he would never leave.

"You don't want any part of your old life back - not even a little bit." It wasn't a question anymore…she knew.

"We're fused together for a lifetime, Sam! There's no other way that it can ever be. There is _no_ me without you." His face hovered within a breath of hers, his eyes pleading to his cause when he tumbled out brokenly, "Could you settle for _you_ without _me_?" The tremble in his voice surprised him, as did the intensity of the dread evoked by the thought alone, striking a new fear all through him.

Sam grabbed hold of his hand where it gripped the back of her head, seeking to strongly relay the impactful feelings burning through her, in conjunction with a rapid shaking of her head.

"No!" Her voice broke with tears of regret and raptured joy. "There is no me either!"

His eyes left hers to fall to lips he soon descended to brush tenderly, from the sweet corner softly…to the lower, gingerly…to the upper, seductively…back to the corner, lingeringly. "I love you more than life itself…," soft kisses trailed down her delicious neck to the enticing cleft near her collarbone, "…and I always will," he whispered, before retracing his feathery, wispy trail.

Sam felt like glass beneath his touch, like at any second she would shimmer and break into pieces if he ever stopped…if he never stopped. Returning his sweet, sweet kiss, she whispered back, "I love you too…so much."

For the first time in a long time, they slept soundly in each others arms again, reconnecting in a way that had been missing for what had felt like eternity to them both. His burning touch upon her skin was home for Sam, and when they shivered up and over that mountain top together, tightly clasped one to the other, Jason once again knew he'd run through the world to make sure he never had to live another day without her…and God helped anyone who tried to make it so.


End file.
